frustration

Weight Loss so far: 4.6 lbs
Mood: Frustrated
Appetite: Slightly less than satisfied.

Okay. I'm pissed. This is my problem: I (especially as of late) sometimes (quite often more than sometimes) prescribe to the all or nothing practice of things-- I know, I know, no way to live. I understand. Just a little is better than nothing at all. I know. So, because of this, I have the tendency to think that when I'm not doing something that if I could just get motivated enough to do the thing I'm not doing, it would work 100%. All of that to say this: I have been a perfect angel lately. Last week, I worked out 6 out of 7 days. I ate 5 (sometimes MORE) fruits or vegetables each day. I counted my points (and sometimes went over, but I wrote them down, and thats why I have 35 extra points a week). I FEEL better. My mood is better, my body feels more able, less drag-y. I have tons of energy post-workout. I felt for sure that my weight would reflect that. Yet, when I stepped on the scaled this morning (when you're supposed to be the lightest!) I am at exactly the same weight I was last week. Exactly the same as the week before that. WHATS UP, BODY?

This is where I run into problems. Because after two weeks of hard work, I expect to see some payoff. Instead, nothing. And I know there are so many different factors- maybe I am bloated and retaining water, maybe I've gained some little bit of muscle weight (and muscle burns more calories than fat when you're sedentary!), maybe I haven't been measuring things properly and thus have been recording poor data. I know all these things and still I can help but feel like a failure already. How negative is that?? "At least you haven't gone up and you are doing so well working out!" the little Janet Schulzke in my head exclaims reassuringly. "Well, drop the fucking number on the scale then!" the indignant, negative Liz Schulzke in my head shouts back, with the veins in her neck pulsing out.

I just needed to rant a little. The point is, it will pay off eventually. I KNOW that. Hard work and good eating habits only result in good things, this just may be slower than initially planned. And it makes weeks that I went to Atlanta, consumed a shitload of alcohol and greasey 1/2 lb burgers, and still lost 3 lbs look unbelievable. But in the end...everything catches up to you. Good AND bad.

Its just working on keeping the negative thoughts at bay before the good shows up that is keeping me busy today. :)